Allah's signs in the world - part X

Buthcher Aziz Dudhwala with the piece of the lamb which he says has the name Allah written on it. 

 

It's just your fault!!!/ No, it's your fault! I'm leaving to mama!!!

People get into relationships all the time attracted by appearance, nature, qualities of the other person, loneliness. Relationships break  for  the same reasons of appearance,nature,quality and faults  of the other person.

Everyone has faults. Someone might have too much pride, might never apologize for mistakes,  others might have difficulty in expressing their feelings. There are some  critical faults and not so critical faults. Critical faults are beyond reconciliation like cheating on a partner is.

People searching for perfection / the perfect mate will never find one. Initially blinded by the glow of a new relation, people feel they have their perfect partner. As  time goes and the gloss comes off  the faults appear. Then comes  the period in which partners  acknowledge each others faults and learn to live with it.  A period might also come  in  which they can no longer live with the other person’ faults.

So a relation starts breaking.Quarrels occur. Reconciliations occur. Sometimes they don’t occur as pride comes in the way. Each person feels the other is at fault and should be the one who apologizes and moves  the relation back on track .

In a successful relation  people learn to live with the partner’s faults. Someone adjusts or both adjust. Not only do they live with the partner’s faults but they try actively to minimize their own faults. Sometimes the faults are irreconcilable  for people . Sometimes they do learn to forgive.

Whatever be  one’s faults the skill of admitting mistakes and saying sorry is something which everyone should learn .It is the basic pillar of any relationship. Saying sorry, admitting one’s fault seems to be the hardest thing for some people. They will argue and argue, but never accept that they might have done some mistake , have faults in them.

This skill is essential not only in romantic relationships but also in dealing with friendships, workplace, relatives and any other .

IF A MAN WANTS YOU... Advices for the ones still looking for the love of their life

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. 

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. 

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. 

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. 

All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending compromise is a two-way street. You need time to heal between relationships there is nothing cute about baggage deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals look for someone complimentary not supplementary. Dating is fun even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right. 

Make him miss you sometimes when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Back to Egypt - this time to start a new life :)

Like a schoolgirl... like a schoolgirl with her homework done from before... yes that was me in the day I went back to Egypt to start a new life, a totally new life...to get married and start to have a family...having new challenges and new responsibilities, new ideas and new dreams...and this time, all these things build and create with my beloved husband...


Before leaving in Egypt for marriage... I passed through all the possible moods ever... believe me I cross all these from happiness to despair, from excitement to fear, from curiosity to "Don't wanna know it" mood and even to "I can't do this" mood :))))))))))))))))... I'm speaking here about the marriage issue :-j... while my beloved husband was every day one step close to become insane...


In the last week before I leave for marriage I had almost every day a pre marital crises :))))))))))))) ... I was not able to pack nothing until the last day :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))... when I took the suitcases and keep throwing fast the clothes on it :D :D :D... Yeah... I think you can imagine me while I was jumping on the suitcases to be closed :)))) and even push my clothes inside using the leg :P.


Why all those moods and pre marital crises??? The fear about the unknown... the fear that from single woman and independent one I will become something what I never wanted... addicted... addicted to a man... While all my life I was raised never to depend on someone, especially on a man. So in my mind I was having the idea that marriage means addicted and that goes to depend on a man and that leads to lose my quality of independent woman! 

I was thinking that all these come with the marriage... while me I was already cached from the day I met my husband and I love to be cached by him... I loved it all the time otherwise I wouldn't last in the previous 2 years before we married, during the friendship relation and engagement relation too. But I was thinking that marriage is that big BOO! scary thing that put you inside of a box and never let you free! And Gemini are well known for their love for freedom and independence... this is why they marry so late and if they marry in youngest age, before 25... either they don't last in those marriages, either they become miserable unhappy because they are not mature enough to understand the responsibilities of a marriage commitment. To tell you the truth Gemini are never mature enough for BIG DEALS of the life... because they are all the time CHILDREN... even in 80's... but Gemini DO LEARN with the time passing how to behave in certain situations and how to deal with the challenges of life... and even if sometimes they are doing this in a childish way, they succeed to have a pleasant result. 

So me, the addicted Gemini and the independent woman and the crazy child, arrived finally in the end in Cairo (with a few hours earlier I was calling my husband to tell him that I' m coming :))))), that thing took a heavy weight from his chest and he started to breath and thank Allah for HIS power on me and for the power and protection that HE put over us and our blessed relationship).

While I was still in the airport, before leaving... I saw like a huge group of people going in the same direction with me... so AlhamdulilAllah Egypt is back for business :) the tourism will rise again! Ya ALLAH ALHAMDULILALLAH!

A huge group and a lady... near to my age... she was going in Egypt to attend her friend wedding... and she was nervous coz she was alone... her husband remain home with the kid because of the school thing and also because of the job and the business... The lady, Ema, she was kind and sweet :) as also very polite... when she saw me going in the same direction... she was more than relax and she started to thank God because she found another person to travel. 


The people from the tourists group were already in their business, while me and her we were traveling abroad, one to her wedding and the other one to a friend's wedding :).


We started to chat and we were speaking about all the things... including Egypt of course - life and people from there... as well as about our families. We exchanged phone numbers (now I remember that I didn't call her since long time)... and we were enjoying every moment from the traveling time. We asked sits together on the plain and that was good, because really the plain was full :))))))))).

When we reached Egypt, I was starting to feel my heart beating so fast... so so so fast... like I was a rabbit chased by a fox... I knew that I am about to meet my husband and that he is waiting for me to come... and that we will marry and I will be an Ex MISS... 


Me and my new friend Ema we complete the documents and we crossed the boarder... and here he was there waiting for me as the first time... waiting me to come... waiting his bride... his aroosa... my aris :* :* :*...


I saw my husband from far away... and I was keep coming fast to him... I met first time his eyes and I never saw a happiness in someones eyes like I see when I look to my husband! SUBHANALLAH!

He hugged me strong and kiss my front head and keep thanking to Allah that HE brought me safe to him :)... I introduced him Ema, which was already worried because the family of her friend didn't arrive yet to the airport to pick her up... and they were late... well... my husband and I we stayed with her in the airport ... I think like an hour to make sure that she will be safe and not let her alone there... it is not really a perfect image to be left alone while you wait scared to be taken from a place!


My husband also spoke on the phone with the family of her friend and told them exactly where to come with the car and he also spoke with a police officer to help him finding the car that was coming to take Ema. So the police officer was asking all the black cars coming in front of the airport if they are here to pick someone and who they are waiting to pick ;))... the police officer was nice and so polite and he helped us much that night :) in the issue with Ema :).


After an hour, the family arrived in the airport (they were coming not from so far, but they were just not appreciate well the time until the airport, the traffic and the rounds took until they reached the right building of the airport). Well that happen to me too first time when I met my husband... I remember I cross the border and I was expecting to see already my husband... while he was not there  :O :O :O... he was waiting me in another part... yes still Terminal 1... but Departures place :)))) :D :D :D... so I understand what Ema felt when she came out and she didn't see them :). It's seems to me or this thing with "losing" people in the airport is typical Egyptian :P... but just from men as I see... because in her case too was the fiance of her friend that was driving the car :D :D :D...

AlhamdulilAllah, they arrived and Ema was finally breathing relaxed and she was keep thanking us for the help and keep excusing to us because she kept us busy with her problem. No haram in this! AlhamdulilAllah that she is safe and we were there to help her :).


We left Ema in good hands and we back to our "business" :) and before leaving to Alexandria we took a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong breath and time just for the two of us... we sit and we started to speak and to look to each other like it was the first time we saw each other... we started to look to picture albums with my family and speak about all the moment from our life since we met each other and even from before... we did this many times before... but this time it was like a previous necessary thing before the marriage... and we took long time sharing things...

But after a while, I got hungry :)))))))))))))))) because of the stress on me in the last days I hardly was eating and in the last 2 days before traveling I wasn't able to eat nothing. But finally, at 4:30 in the morning I felt hungry. So we ate to a coffee shop from the airport and after this, we started our life journey to Alex... I say life journey because we were both walking now on the road to marriage :) ALHAMDULILALLAH :).

Marriage like a speed race - What papers you need to marry in Egypt?

Bismillahi Rahmanu Rahim

Knowing that many foreign girls are getting married more and more with men from Egypt, I decided myself to write about the entire story and steps of the marriage, all what you have to know and respect so that you marry without problems and without loosing time and money (both are precious, especially time).

My beloved husband and I we closed the marriage in Alexandria/ Egypt, because he is from Alex, so as you could noticed already, I am the foreign girl :D... or I was, coz now, after my husband's words: "I am a Madam"... me I prefer to say: "EX - MISS" it sounds more close to what I was before... Miss ;).

So here we start and I will start with documents for the foreign girl.

I must say to you from the beginning that as I saw, the rules from Alexandria are different than the rules in Cairo and you will see why :).

We started to prepare our papers with 2 weeks before my coming in Alexandria (me) and my husband with 3 weeks before my coming there... me from my hometown and my husband from his hometown too. 

First documents that I took were from the City Hall of my hometown: the International Birth Certificate and the Certificate of Celibacy - which was proving that I was not married before and I am free to marry, without any objection.

So I went to the office of Marital Status from the City Hall and I complete there 2 forms: 1 for the International Birth Certificate and the second for the Certificate of Celibacy. Also to obtain the International Birth Certificate you have to hand over the old one.

After this, I went to the office where you pay the taxes and I payed there 2 bills - 1 for each document I was about to take. 

Although, the usual term to get these documents is like 7 working days or even more, the officer from the Marital Status office was extremely kind and she helped me with these documents in just 1 hour!!!!! Allah bless her and give her rewards on Earth and in Jannah! This thing proves once again that people from the area I come are really WONDERFUL (P.S. this has nothing to do with me :P I am out from this topic; I speak only about the rest of the people there)!!!!

I must tell you girls and to you also guys, that I arrived in my hometown early in the morning with bags and all things coz I stayed like 5 days there with my parents at home (Easter time which I can t skip it at all!!!!!!); after I put my feet in my little hometown, I left my bags to my aunt office and I went to fix all documents that I was need and AlhamdulilAllah AlhamdulilAllah AlhamdulilAllah Allah helped me and I did it!

After I took my papers, I finally went home to my mama that she was waiting for me since hours to arrive home, not to mention my dad, that he was at work :).

Immediately after Easter passed, I went to the Treasury also in my hometown to pay a consular fee, that was necessary to obtain the legalization of my Celibacy Certificate from the Ministry of External Affairs. Why I had to pay it in my hometown? Because I had to pay this fee where I have my residency and even if I don t live anymore in my hometown, I didn t change my address (now I know why). I don't want even to imagine through what other girls from the capital were passing because of bureaucracy from big cities!

After I payed this fee, I was ready to come back to the capital to go with my Certificate of Celibacy to be legalized. I prepared here a "slim" file: the bill payed to the Treasury, the Certificate of Celibacy, copy after my ID, copy after the Certificate of Celibacy and I went to the Ministry of External Affairs.

There it is also a very nice lady which said to me: Congratulations because I had all the papers in order as it suppose to be and she legalized my Certificate of Celibacy in 10 minutes :). AlhamdulilAllah AlhamdulilAllah :).

I didn t legalize my International Birth Certificate because it is not necessary to do this!

With my papers done, my passport and my ID too with me, I was ready to leave in Egypt to get married :).

Let's pick an eye and see what my husband had to do in all this time :)... because he had a lot of things to do too :)

My husband did all his papers in Alexandria, without need to go to Cairo as I heard that it was requested to others from other cities and this was due to the fact that in Alexandria it is also a Ministry of Justice and Ministry of External Affairs too.

Necessary papers for the Egyptian citizen:

• Birth certificate (Milada)
• Record (fish basamat)
• Certificate of marital status (sura qaid fardy)

All have the stamp of RA Egipt Justice Ministry, Foreign Ministry RA Egipt.

I advise all the girls to speak with their fiances to go and to ask all details before starting the marriage steps - to go and to ask everything in the office of Ministry of Justice. My husband did this and he received a lot of help from there (all contrary to what it was before the revolution). 

So, my beloved husband is a real support for me and he was beside me in all the steps and he involved I can say in maximum level to help me and he really is my half!  My husband Karim went to the Ministry of Justice and he spoke with the officer from the marriage office and he went there not just once, but 3 times, to make sure everything will be all right and to make sure that he has all the dates exactly and also to make appointment for our marriage (which in the end was not necessary, because all we had to do was to go early in the morning in the day they were closing the marriages - you have to ask about the schedule of the Ministry of Justice too).

My husband note first time all the things on a paper and surprise:D. The officer asked him if I am a Muslim or not - which I am - so when he heard that I am a Muslim - he told to my husband that for me all I need to marry with him is my passport, my pictures (5 in number) and the Certificate of Muslimah from El Azhar (I will tell you about this certificate later). NOTE: the non Muslims girls do need their Certificate of celibacy and the International Birth certificate! 

The officer told him that because I am a Muslim I don't need no Certificate of Celibacy...  of course me I was saying to my husband: "NO WAY!! NO WAY!!! From my embassy they said that I need it and not just this the International Birth Certificate too! That officer from the Ministry of Justice don' t know what I need" (I will develop why I was SO SURE that I need all these papers and why I was freak out that the time will not be enough to close the marriage... the authorities from my country played a big role in this direction).

First time, the officer forgot to tell my husband that I also need a medical certificate that proves I am ready for marriage and nothing forbids me to marry (which is not a bad thing to do it at all) and this is also need for the future husband too. What the husband needs more beside the papers I said before? Oh yes: 5 pictures also and a stamp for marriage that he has to buy it - this will be used on the marriage contract that remains to the Ministry of Justice.

Believe me: GO AND ASK before starting to do something! and dont forget to take a notebook with you so that you write all to be able to read it later again!

P.S.: I got tired of typing :)))))))))))))))  

After my husband took his papers already stamped from the Ministry of Justice and Ministry of External Affairs, he took the papers in Cairo to the translator from there, to translate it from Arabic, for my Embassy. He did all the steps before I come, so that we save time, which is very precious in delicate moments like marriage issue.

And here it is... the day of my coming arrived and the last steps of marriage too :). I arrived in Cairo Friday by night and in the morning in Alexandria (very important: on Saturday we went to the office for foreigners in Alexandria to take my visa for residency which is absolutely necessary for marriage; we took it in 10 - 15 minutes with no head aches and no costs)  already on Sunday we came back again in Cairo with our brother Ahmed. All 3 we went to the Azhar for foreigners in Cairo - because that is the only institution from Egypt who gives the Muslim certificates to the foreigners. In Alexandria it is el Azhar too, but it is not authorized to give these documents.

You will see again how much Allah helped us in all the steps and HE was there with us to give us a lift to cross the obstacles! AlhamdulilAllah, praised be to Allah!

We reached el Azhar early in the morning and you have to know that el Azhar for the foreigners it is a little up than the general Azhar. We reach there and the sheik received us and I tell you I was not the only one there to get the Muslim Certificate (speaking about this - I was already Muslim from my country and I have a Certificate from the Mosque Mohammed II too, so our road there was just to complete the marriage steps) (I will speak about the experience from el Azhar in another topic, but I assure you it was MAGICAL, like in a fairy dream).

We took the Muslimah Certificate in the same day - although it suppose to be over a week (which can cause you delays and change all your schedule), but Allah opened and soften the heart of the sheik and they made all the formalities for me too and signed the papers so I can take the certificate in the same day. For el Azhar I need it 2 witnesses (which I had - my husband and our brother Ahmed), 2 pictures and my passport; the witnesses also need it their ID to be written there their details. 

I received from el Azhar 2 Muslim Certificates: one in Arabic and one in English :), Masha Allah I was so happy and my husband too, like it was the first time I was saying el Shahadda :).

We return to Alexandria on the same day - just for the night and not even that complete, because we left again Monday to my Embassy where I had an appointment (I did this appointment by e mail and phone too with 2 weeks before) to take there my International Birth Certificate and Certificate of Celibacy, my husband's Certificate of Celibacy too (translated from Arabic) (although I said to you that the officer from the Ministry of Justice said to my husband that I don t need all these papers because I am a Muslim; but also when I was calling to my Embassy and when I was sending e-mails to the Consul - the answer was: "Yes you need all those documents" - not to mention that the Consul said to me that the time I give to all the formalities it is too short, because we have to do many steps (but our authorities should update from time to time because things might change and could be differences between Cairo and Alexandria - as we saw; besides of this, the fees they ask are extremely high for 3 stamps on some papers that are already authenticated by much more high authorities than the Embassy).

ADVICE: Prepare yourself from before wt 1000$ for all the marriage steps for both husbands!

So we went to the Embassy and I gave them the papers, I payed an emergency fee so that all be done in 48 h... so that in the end I take these papers after we married :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))... because none asked about these in Ministry of Justice :).

We came back to Alexandria and in the next day we went to do our medical check - and here again SUBHANALLAH the doctors gave to us the certificates in the same day :) (my husband fixed all with calm and diplomacy and he crossed all the obstacles and he never lost his hope in Allah and he was always encouraging me and I felt him close so close to my heart and to my soul).


Let's have a revision now:


ME: passport with residency visa, 5 pics, Certificate of Muslimah from el Azhar in Cairo, medical certificate

My husband: ID, 5 pics, Birth certificate, stamp for marriage, medical certificate (just in case we took with us his passport too- but they didn t ask for this).

AND YOU NEED TOO A TRANSLATOR FOR YOU - IT MUST BE A TRANSLATOR FOR A LANGUAGE THAT YOU KNOW AND THE TRANSLATOR MUST BE AUTHORIZED (this means that on his ID he/ she will have written there that it is TRANSLATOR).

WE WENT TO GET MARRIED early in the morning in the Ministry of Justice (I advise you all to go there before 10:00 - we were there with mama and baba and our bro Ahmed around 8:30 and we left at 13:00, even that we were the first couple they attended from the all 3 that went there to marry that day - but we had so many papers to write there - my husband, baba and Ahmed as also the officer from the marriage office were keep writing to our contract marriages - 5 copies and all had to be the same :D ).

ALHAMDULILALLAH we married and we are grateful to Allah and to all people that helped us so much! Hope I didn t forget something - in any case - if I did... I will come back and complete... :) I ll ask my husband to read it once too so that we make sure I wrote here all the necessary details.